As someone who has been a phone sex operator, and dildo saleswoman; I am very open about sex. If you ask it, I will answer. As an avid feminist, many people find it strange when they find out that I am into BDSM. They find it even more strange that I am not a dominant in my BDSM relationship.
People’s reactions usually fall somewhere between slight aversion to full-on hate. People even question how I can be a feminist if I let a man “beat” me.
I am here to put all of your concerns to rest.
I swear I am not abused. I swear I like it.
I understand that some BDSM relationships are abusive. I want to teach you a bit about what differentiates proper BDSM from abuse.
I trust my partner completely. I love him, and he loves me. I have been through thick, and thin with him. If I trust him to help my mom change my clothes while waiting on the paramedics (I dislocated me knee so I screamed every time I was touched, he was a trooper), then I trust him during our scenes. If you want to be in a truly safe BDSM relationship trust is key. I would not let anyone tie me up, and have me at his mercy if I didn’t trust him.
A Safe Word
Whenever things get to intense, whenever I don’t like something, whenever I need to stop: One word halts everything. My love goes from an intense Dom, and turns into a teddy bear who makes sure I’m alright before we continue. This goes back into trust. I trust that he will stop everything when I say our word. I trust that he will respect that boundary.
Before our first BDSM scene, I told my love what I was never going to do. Ever.Going back to trust, I trusted him to never cross my limits. I always trust that he will respect me, and my boundries because he always has.
BDSM is interesting for me as a feminist because it is a relinquishing of control. In my day-to-day life I am an upstanding woman, who never takes any shit from anyone (especially men). I. Am. Always. In. Control. I have even been told I am too in control of my life.
When me, and my love enter into this play, I let it all go. The tables are turned. I am no longer calling all of the shots. I am at the mercy of the man I love. It is exhilarating. I have felt no rush better than, after a long day, being tied up and defenseless.
I love it.This kind of relationship isn’t for everyone. Many people don’t like relinquishing control, and many more don’t enjoy sexual pleasure derived from pain, and bondage.
That is the beauty of feminism. Everyone can choose for themselves what they want. I want this kind of relationship, and all long as it’s safe, I’m free to participate. Just as free as the woman who decides not to partake.
There will be many articles posted on this topic. Stay tuned, and if you have any questions: Feel free to e-mail us!