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“MY FIRST WILLIE”

Tiny todger or super sausage?

We all remember the excitement or disappointment on first seeing a boy’s full-sized floppy. But some girls can even remember, at the age of 4 or 5, watching their brother’s specimen in the bath.

I personally saw my cousin’s first. According to my mother I was mesmerised by it when I was 3 (starting as I meant to carry on!), but my first actual recollection of it is of him throwing his clothes off in order to adjust it.

A girl at school whispered that her older brother had a rocket between his legs, and I think that was what set me off, so to speak, at the ripe old age of 6.
For me the willie had a fascination which no teddy bear or hairband could ever have.

A friend, Ash, remembers her first sighting as “unbelievably weird”. One day, aged 5, she called in to see a friend who had a twin brother, They were in the bathroom – Kay, her friend, was combing her hair, Rod was using the toilet.
She only saw him from the back, but Ash was confused.
“Um, how is he peeing without sitting?”, she asked Kay.
“Oh. My. God.”, Kay exclaimed, echoing girls on TV shows she’d seen, “you’ve never seen a todger!” Rod – turn round when you’ve finished”.

“Wow – that’s useful!”, said Ash, “was it expensive?”.

But it’s not so much dicks and willies we’re interested in as our first sighting of a Richard or a William.

Mine came when I was 13 and on holiday in Spain., I befriended a Spanish girl called Paloma. She was 2 years older than me and doing a Saturday job in the girls’ changing room at the local swimming pool. She was desperate to learn English.

“So what you call penes?”
“Penes?”
“Yes what boys have here”, and she pretended to have a giant tube of smarties between her legs.
“Oh – dicks, willies, nozzles, ding-a-lings” I said, trying to sound as if I was an expert.
“Well – later we go boys room and look”
“Really?”, I said, not believing her.
“Yes this is Spain and I work here and can go anywhere!”.

So, as soon as the baths closed, we did and I very briefly saw three penises (penii? penes?) of different shapes and sizes. Only one boy seemed embarrassed. The other two merely covered their tubes of smarties and behaved as boys ought to, saying “Ola Paloma!”, and going about their business while we pretended to be cleaning the place.

And right about then I realised that feminism isn’t just about gaining equality – it was, as Paloma said in her fragile English, about feeling happy with yourself and never letting boys make you feel embarrassed or out of place.

So other girls’ first sightings?

Carole, now 24, was lucky:
“I was expecting a bigger version of what boys I babysitted had, but what I saw was like an 8 inch metal bar standing up on its own!”

Tara is now a ranger in the wilds of Scotland, where – she says – the weather is cold and wet and the willies likewise. But when she was 14 and still living in London, for one night she shared a room with her older sister and her boyfriend.
“I can remember them thinking I was asleep”, she told me, “but I wasn’t. I saw this gross stunted object that he was trying to put somewhere but not succeeding”.

Helen, a schoolmate, said that she was happy that her first one was a “starter dick”. Five inches apparently – to which her twin sister said “That wasn’t a real starter, I had to put up with four and a bit for my first time”.

But my favourite is my good friend Stacey. She remained “pure” (her word) until her 16th birthday when her then boyfriend Alex took her to a hotel. He’d bought some condoms and, being a boy, had got the biggest ones he could find without taking note of his size.

I’ll let Stace tell the rest of the story:
“He was taking ages so I knocked and went into the bathroom. It was a mess of condoms which he’d tried to put on to what looked like a limp dick, and of course they’d all fallen off”.
“No”, I laughed, “it has to be hard – oh no, it IS hard. Is that all… and I stopped for fear that he’d hit me for laughing.
I wasn’t in the least experienced but I knew that a 16 year old boy was supposed to have more between his legs than a thimble covered with some loose skin at the end!

I COULD go on, but maybe you’d rather tell me about your first willie…

LEXIE WALTERS

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